When bad things happen...

So much has been going wrong in my life, it finally made me stop and seriously examine my situation. I guess I should preface that remark by saying, without doubt, I trust Allah and everything He wills for me. In good times or in bad, I know Allah is in charge and nothing happens with out His decree. But these days, I had to stop and ask...is this a punishment or a test?

Let me just give a quick update to bring all up to speed and allow a look into why I would ask that question above.

Although heavily advertised, I have sold nothing since my second estate sale. I have even offered it in bulk, finally, for the ridiculous price of $750. The appliances alone I want to sell are worth more than that. In fact even at a fair price for "used" goods, I probably have close to $4000 worth of stuff here I cant seem to get rid of.

And I still have not been able to get the title to my car so I can sell it, but I did finally get a phone number for the DEA agent in charge of the case. No matter what, leaving for Egypt in April is now out of the question. I simply can not afford it. It will be a stretch to accomplish it in May, but I am trusting Allah while I tie my camel. I love that hadith. I sure have been tying a lot of camels lately. I hope I am trusting Allah as well.

I did donate lots of Islamic items to the masjid, and have boxes sitting in my front hall that were ready to go to the Islamic school, pending pick-up. I say "were" because they are now sitting in a pool of water! My landlord came and tried to fix the main drain in the basement, but seems to have made it worse. I now have more water than before backing up into the basement--whatever I hoped to sell down there is now probably ruined. I don't even want to go down and look. No toilets work now--thank Allah we are moving out to a small apartment tomorrow. It was bad enough we had to go to the new place to shower and do laundry, now we cant even use the "facilities". How much more fun could it get? So the school donations are wet because the toilet upstairs is dripping water all over the bathroom floor and it's leaking through the ceiling--alhamdulilah it is clean water!

Yesterday I set out to do laundry and Mom and I were going to shower at the new place first. I had a couple of bags to carry, but managed them, my purse and Mom in one trip from the car to the bottom of the steps up to the front door. I told Mom to stay put, because she has to hold on to me to walk, so I could put the bags inside the front door. I walked up about 6 concrete steps, opened the door, and don't remember anything after that. Apparently my foot slipped off the stoop, and I somehow lost my balance. I fell backwards down the steps, somehow I think I must have done a somersault, and ended up on my front. I am cut, bruised and battered from my eyes down to my ankles. I wont even go into the details except to say I am in loads of pain. Alhamdulilah...alhamdulilah for everything.

I was supposed to finish the packing between yesterday and today but I have not. In fact after I got Mom and myself in the apartment yesterday--which was no easy task after the fall, I just went to sleep. And didn't wake up for 12 hours. The pain really set in today, and I have managed to function only by the grace of Allah and ibuprofen. Tomorrow I will have some help, so I guess it will just get done before we pick up the truck--scheduled for 3 PM. I am doing the very best I can do.

But upon careful consideration of all the above--and plenty of other things I am not revealing, I seriously got scared. I know I commit sins. We all do of course, but I am thinking only about my sins. Is all this a punishment? Or is it just a test. The more I thought, the more scared I got. If Allah is punishing me, maybe there's more to come. Things can always get worse. I never tempt fate and say it couldn't get any worse. Things can always get worse. Never test Allah!

Or, is this a test? Nothing good comes easy. I am so very sure that moving to Egypt is the best thing for my mom and me. So maybe this is a test--to see how committed I am to seeing this through? In any case, I'm scared. I cant help feeling Allah is not satisfied with me...perhaps He is downright angry. And so to try and understand all that is happening to me, I went to Sheikh Google (smile) and typed in the phrase "Muslims problems test or punishment". And here I found a beautiful answer. I will paste some of it here. Meantime, remember me in your du'ahs please. Inna maa al usry, yusra...with hardship comes ease.

1. Sufferings occur to teach us that we must adhere to Allah’s natural and moral laws.

2. Sufferings are sometimes to punish those who violate Allah’s natural or moral laws.

3. Suffering of the righteous people also become a healing and liberation for others. Those who patiently bear their pain and suffering are also promised great blessings from Allah.

4. Sufferings of some people are a test for other people’s commitment to human values and charity. Whenever we encounter suffering we should ask ourselves, “Have we broken any law of Allah?” Let us study the cause of the problem and use the corrective methods. “Could it be a punishment?” Let us repent and ask forgiveness and reform our ways. “Could it be a test and trial for us?” Let us work hard to pass this test with patience if we are suffering; or with charity and kindness if we see others are in difficulty. Believers face the sufferings with prayers, repentance and good deeds. The non-believers face the sufferings with doubts and confusions. They blame Allah or make arguments against Him. May Allah keep us on the right path.