Sunday, April 6, 2008

When your world spins out of control...Part 2

So I started to mention something about misunderstandings with loved ones. Which I seem to be having more of these days. There are two relationships in particular that seem to be affected. One is a lifelong relationship--solid, but prone at times to volcanic blow-ups that are due to each person having different expectations from the other. Aren't so many misunderstandings caused by that? We all expect different things out of a relationship, and when we don't get it, there's a war. Particularly if both have fairly volatile personalities, as each of us do, but strangely enough, only with each other. I guess that's just our personal chemistry and thank God it doesn't happen often. When it does though, it's a humdinger!

The sad part of this current problem between myself and another is it could be solved so very simply by applying Islamic rules of how to treat certain people in your lives--meaning extending Islamic rights--significant rights--to those who are ordered to be given them. Worse, the one I am at odds with is not the root cause. The real problem is this person's spouse--a self-styled "sheikh" who seems to take no joy in life unless he sees/causes others suffering. Knowing that he wields power over his spouse, who in turn is forced to wield it over me, is a recipe for disaster. I'm not the kind to take guff from anyone, especially unIslamic behavior cloaked as an Islamic directive. In short, don't try to tell me something is haram when I know it is halal, optional when I know it is fard, or halal when I know it is haram. Don't pick and choose what part of the religion you want to follow, particularly when it deals with family and silat-al-raham...the ties of the womb--or the breaking thereof. This is a huge sin in Islam, particularly when it involves a mother's rights over her children.

It's amusing really, because I consider myself to blame for this debacle. Having always taught my children that wives should obey their husbands, they somehow didn't get the memo specifying..."in things not contradicting the religion". I sent it, that memo--I know I did. How was it not received??? And how, each time I try to correct it, I am told..."Well, that's not what you taught me!!!" Hmmmm. I guess you must have been absent that day. But you're getting the message now, so why not implement it? Because Sheikh-al-Islam does not agree with anything that might take him away from his prayers and fasting. Yes, he understands the letter of some laws, but not the spirit of most. It's a pity.

I may never see my daughter again in life. Anything can happen between now and the end of my life. If I live long enough to step on that plane, and we land safely in Cairo, who knows how long either of us has to live after that? Anything could happen. And a 24 hour (at minimum) plane ride is a lot more precarious that a 5 hour drive up the turnpike. Either of us could be gone before we get to say our final goodbyes. Yet I feel I am being sold down the river for a simple misunderstanding, easily remedied by following the commands of Allah.

Maybe it's just that feeling of immortality in youth, and the awareness of mortality in those in middle age. And the fact that due to the "sheikh" we cant seem to meet in the middle. In any case, it is what it is, and I cant force a solution. I can only pray for guidance for all.

Then there's the situation of another relationship I am dealing with. One that is fairly new and as such, a bit fragile. I can say, alhamdulilah, mostly we have seen incredibly good things in each other. But every now and again, a misunderstanding (there's that word again) pops up and it is hard to deal effectively with it long distance. And this takes sooooo much patience. You cant help but have the feeling if you could just sit together over a cup of coffee and discuss to your hearts content, everything would be fine. Perhaps even laughable. But as things are, there's so much uncertainty--and despite repeated assurances that "all is well" and "we will discuss when we meet", one cant help succumbing to feelings of impending doom. Is anyone keeping score? Is anyone getting to the point where they wonder if it is worth it, is anyone thinking seriously to bail? I'm not, but is he? He insists no--but the way things have been going in my life, with the delays and tragedies--I wonder how much one man can take?

The crazy part of both these situations is that I am quite sure, by the power and mercy of Allah, everything will be fine when I get to Egypt. It always is. Life in Egypt is so much simpler than life here. There is so much less stress on me there, I feel my life is a walk in the park. Can every body just cooperate until I leave? Cant we all just get along??? (Sorry I couldn't resist!)

On a final note, Mom is in the hospital. Has been for 3 days now. What I first saw as an "oh NO what next???" moment, is really a blessing in disguise. It seems her MD has been over medicating her with 4 FOUR blood pressure medicines, and a few days ago it caused her to faint. I think what made it so bad was that it sure didn't look like a faint, it looked like the life going out of her before my eyes. What began with her staring off into space and unable to talk, ended with her unconscious and totally non-responsive--the medics couldn't even get a pulse, and her turning every shade of blue. All that in a matter of minutes. In the end, she came around, went to the hospital, where they are checking her from stem to stern to make sure there is nothing major wrong, but they are fairly certain she was just on too many BP meds. I see Allah's wisdom in this alhamdulilah. It's good this crisis happened here and not there, especially before I had a chance to find a good doctor capable of treating her particular issues. Now I am assuming, insha Allah, she will leave here fit as a fiddle and ready to enjoy her new life in Egypt.

So sometimes a simple move--or even one a bit more complicated on like ours--comes with issues beyond just the packing and reservations and such. We are all still people being people, dealing with each other on many levels--sometimes nicely--sometimes not so nicely, but in the end, choosing to live abroad is just decision and preparation. And while we're in the middle of all that craziness--and as if that were not enough, life continues to happen.

And as I found out while writing part 1 of this saga, life is a test. And Allah is in charge. I guess I don't need to know anymore than that.


Cairogal said...

So what is the problem w/ your daughter about? Love for one's mother is sacred regardless of religion. N needs to stand up for that.

Queen O'Danile said...

SSDD, CG! I'll have to call you abt the latest "escapade"!

KiKi said...

Subhanallah... I came to your blog by way of Tabarakallah and boy did this post really hit home for me in more ways than you can imagine.

"The sad part of this current problem between myself and another is it could be solved so very simply by applying Islamic rules of how to treat certain people in your lives--meaning extending Islamic rights--significant rights--to those who are ordered to be given them."


Queen O'Danile said...

Welcome, welcome Kiki--I hope you visit again and again! Isnt that just the very simple heart of the matter? If Muslims applied true Islam in every situations, can you imagine how beautiful the world would be? May Alah guide all of us to His Straight Path.

on the edge said...

I was told that if and when I ever made it back to the US that I would have to sleep on the floor in my daughter's houses .Hard to do when you can't get on it to begin with due to bad knees .And that is just the beginning .Feel for you and our children never know what it is they have in us until we are gone , one way or another .I was as guilty of this with my own mother as my children are with me . Sigh , somethings never change eh ? Good luck . I hope your mom is much better now . Allah bless.

Queen O'Danile said...

OMG---I am shocked. Oh Sissssss--that is just awful. Shame on them! Well--instead of going back there--come see me for a visit! And together we will invoke the Mother's Curse on all these brats we spawned ! I think we will take Egypt by storm! Mom is fine alhamdulilah and happy to know she is leaving soon. Allah bless you too dear Sis!